Cynical Tattoos

2205 Lurleen Wallace Blvd
Northport, Alabama
(205) 330-1070




Chris Howton


Bryan McKinley



these are some questions, and answers, that are commonly overheard in a tattoo shop. Please take a look and apply what you learn to your next tattoo studio visit.

Question: Can you give me a price quote over the phone?
Answer: No. We need to see the area, the design, the size. Your idea of "medium-sized" may not be our idea of "medium-sized".
Question: But I really can't get to the shop right now...
Answer: No. We need to see the area, the design, the size. Your idea of "medium-sized" may not be our idea of "medium-sized".
Question: What if I'm running late for my appointment?
Answer: Please call. If you are 15 minutes late for an appointment, without contacting us, you forfeit your deposit and your appointment.
Question: Speaking of deposits... what do I need to deposit to hold an appointment?
Answer: Every tattoo appointment requires a $40 - $100 deposit, depending on the size of the tattoo. This is taken out of the total cost of the appointment and is non-refundable.
Question: What forms of payment do you take?
Answer: We accept Cash, Visa, and Mastercard.
Question: I'm looking to get a tattoo that I saw on T.V. the other night. I don't remember what show it was, but it looked like a ::insert tattoo design here::. Can you do it?
Answer: Without a description, it is difficult to recreate something. If you are looking for an original work of art based upon what you're thinking, though, come in and let's talk.
Question: I'm nervous, worried, scared, intimidated, terrified, drunk... What should I do?!
Answer: First off, for the record, don't come to a tattoo appointment intoxicated. It is unwise, and tossing you out the door will be very disappointing, all around. Otherwise, relax, take a deep breath and know that our artists are professional, and will be respectful and kind.
Question: Can I come in on Saturday?
Answer: Yes! We are open Monday through Saturday, 1pm to 9pm.
Question: I want to get ::insert tattoo here::. I talked to that OTHER tattoo studio here in town and they quoted me such and such a price. Will you do it for less?
Answer: Cynical Tattoos isn't responsible for the work of other shops; so Cynical Tattoos isn't responsible for meeting their prices, either. Come in and look at the work we do. If you like it, let's talk.
Question: How do I know I want Cynical Tattoos to design and tattoo my ideas?
Answer: Great question. Each artist has their own style. We would encourage you to visit any and all tattoo shops to see their portfolios. Once you find an artist whose style matches your desires, you're well on your way. If your search stops at Cynical Tattoos, wonderful! Come on in!
Question: I Have this old, tattoo that I got when was ::insert young age here::, can you cover it up?
Answer: Yes we can, most likely, cover up your tattoo. Yes, the new tattoo will be larger than the old one - and probably more colorful. Yes, it will probably take more time than the first one did.
Question: I have these seven images here and I want a tattoo that is made up of different parts of each image. Can you do that? And can you put it on my ankle?
Answer: OK, look: we can combine aspects of various images or ideas into one thoroughly bad-ass frankenstein of a tattoo, but it is unlikely that it will fit on the smallest part of your body. Likewise: if you want to get characters, letters, words, sentences, etc. anywhere, then there HAS to be space for it. Finally: if a tattoo artist tells you that there just isn't enough room for the tattoo that you want to fit on the desired area, then chances are there isn't enough room. Why would they lie to you?
Question: I have a huge scar or traumatizing mark that I want covered up by a tattoo, will it work?
Answer: Yes! Come in and show us. We will do our best to, not only, cover up your scar, but to work it into the tattoo design itself. This will not remove your scar. Some scars are more difficult than others. The wound needs to be completely healed.
Question: I have a tattoo of my ex's name. Can you cover it up with the name of my new girlfriend?
Answer: We'll sure give it a try.
Question: I have to make an appointment? I really wanted to get it done right now. It's really small and should only take a minute.
Answer: Please understand that the soonest we can get you onto the table depends on the artist's schedule; and we want to get you into the schedule as soon as possible. If a tattoo artist tells you that you need to make an appointment, then maybe you should make an appointment. This is just a shot in the dark, but they probably have a better understanding of the kind of time it will take to get your piece drawn up, prepped, and laid into your undoubtedly sensitive skin. That being said, if you still think that you're the most important person in the room, be prepared to pay considerably more for your tattoo than you would have if you had waited your turn like everybody else.